Meditation Benefits: 10 Ways It Helps Your Mind

Studies find meditation provides lasting emotional control, cultivates compassion, reduces pain sensitivity, boosts multitasking and more…

1. Lasting emotional control

2. Cultivate compassion
3. Change brain structures
4. Reduce pain
5. Accelerate cognition
6. Meditate to create
7. Sharpen concentration 
8. Fight depression
9. Reduce anxiety
10 Improve multitasking at work

Meditation is about way more than just relaxing

But all these flow from a simple activity which is completely free, involves no expensive equipment, chemicals, apps, books or other products.In fact, if I listed the following mental benefits from a new pill or potion, you’d be rightly sceptical.

I’ve also included my own very brief meditation instructions below to get you started.

But first, what are all these remarkable benefits?

Meditation may make us feel calmer while we’re doing it, but do these benefits spill over into everyday life?

Desborders et al. (2012) scanned the brains of people taking part in an 8-week meditation program, before and after the course.

While they were scanned, participants looked at pictures designed to elicit positive, negative and neutral emotional responses.

After the meditation course, activation in the amygdala, the emotional centre of the brain, was reduced to all pictures.

This suggests that meditation can help provide lasting emotional control, even when you are not meditating.

Meditation has long been thought to help people be more virtuous and compassionate. Now this has been put to scientific test.

In one study participants who had been meditating were given an undercover test of their compassion (Condon et al., 2013).

They were sat in a staged waiting area with two actors when another actor entered on crutches, pretending to be in great pain. The two actors sat next to the participants both ignored the person who was in pain, sending the unconscious signal not to intervene.

Those who had been meditating, though, were 50% more likely to help the person in pain.

One of the study’s authors, David DeSteno, said:

“The truly surprising aspect of this finding is that meditation made people willing to act virtuous–to help another who was suffering–even in the face of a norm not to do so.”

Meditation is such a powerful technique that, after only 8 weeks, the brain’s structure changes.

To show these effects, images of 16 people’s brains were taken before and after they took a meditation course (Hölzel et al., 2011).

Compared with a control group, grey-matter density in the hippocampus–an area associated with learning and memory–was increased.

The study’s lead author, Britta Hölzel, said:

“It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life.”

One of the benefits of changes to the brain’s structure is that regular meditators experience less pain.

Grant et al. (2010) applied a heated plate to the calves of meditators and non-meditators. The meditators had lower pain sensitivity.

Joshua Grant explained:

“Through training, Zen meditators appear to thicken certain areas of their cortex and this appears to be underlie their lower sensitivity to pain.”

How would you like your brain to work faster?

Zeidan et al. (2010) found significant benefits for novice meditators from only 80 minutes of meditation over 4 days.

Despite their very brief period of practice—and compared with a control group who listened to an audiobook of Tolkein’s The Hobbit—meditators improved on measures of working memory, executive functioning and visuo-spatial processing.

The authors conclude:

“…that four days of meditation training can enhance the ability to sustain attention; benefits that have previously been reported with long-term meditators.”

Improvements seen on the measures ranged from 15% to over 50%.

The full article: Cognition Accelerated by Just 4 x 20 Minutes Meditation

The right type of meditation can help solve some creative problems.

A study by Colzato et al. (2012) had participants take a classic creativity task: think up as many uses as you can for a brick.

Those using an ‘open monitoring’ method of meditation came up with the most ideas.

This method uses focusing on the breath to set the mind free.

At its heart, meditation is all about learning to concentrate, to have greater control over the spotlight of attention.

An increasing body of studies now underline the benefits of meditation for attention.

For example, Jha et al. 2007 sent 17 people who had not practised meditation before on an 8-week training course in mindfulness-based stress reduction, a type of meditation.

These 17 participants were then compared with a further 17 from a control group on a series of attentional measures. The results showed that those who had received training were better at focusing their attention than the control group.

The full article: How Meditation Improves Attention

Since meditation benefits different aspects of cognition, it should also improve work performance.

That’s what Levy et al. (2012) tested by giving groups of human resource managers tests of their multitasking abilities.

Those who practised meditation performed better on standard office tasks–like answering phones, writing email and so on–than those who had not been meditating.

Meditating managers were better able to stay on task and also experienced less stress as a result.

Meditation is an exercise often recommended for those experiencing anxiety.

To pick just one of many recent studies, Zeidan et al. (2013) found that four 20-minute meditation classes were enough to reduce anxiety by up to 39%.

More about anxiety: 8 Fascinating Facts About Anxiety

A central symptom of depression is rumination: when depressing thoughts roll around and around in the mind.

Unfortunately you can’t just tell a depressed person to stop thinking depressing thoughts; it’s pointless. That’s because treating the symptoms of depression is partly about taking control of the person’s attention.

One method that can help with this is mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is all about living in the moment, rather than focusing on past regrets or future worries.

A recent review of 39 studies on mindfulness has found that it can be beneficial in treating depression (Hofmann et al., 2010).

Read on: Depression: 10 Fascinating Insights into a Misunderstood Condition

Since it is so beneficial, here is a quick primer on how to meditate.

The names and techniques of meditation are many and varied, but the fundamentals are much the same:

1. Relax the body and the mind

This can be done through body posture, mental imagery, mantras, music, progressive muscle relaxation, any old trick that works. Take your pick.

This step is relatively easy as most of us have some experience of relaxing, even if we don’t get much opportunity.

2. Be mindful

It’s a bit cryptic this one but it means something like this: don’t pass judgement on your thoughts, let them come and go as they will (and boy will they come and go!). When your mind wanders, try to nudge your attention back to its primary aim.

It turns out this is quite difficult because we’re used to mentally travelling backwards and forwards while making judgements on everything (e.g. worrying, dreading, anticipating, regretting etc.).

The key is to notice, in a detached way, what’s happening, but not to get involved with it. This way of thinking often doesn’t come that naturally.

3. Concentrate on something

Often meditators concentrate on their breath, the feel of it going in and out, but it could be anything: your feet, a potato, a stone.

The breath is handy because we carry it around with us. Whatever it is, though, try to focus all your attention onto it.

When your attention wavers, and it will almost immediately, gently bring it back. Don’t chide yourself, be compassionate to yourself.

The act of concentrating on one thing is surprisingly difficult: you will feel the mental burn almost immediately. Experienced practitioners say this eases with practice.

4. Concentrate on nothing

Most say this can’t be achieved without a lot of practice, so I’ll say no more about it here. Master the basics first.

This is just a quick introduction but does give you enough to get started. It’s important not to get too caught up in techniques but to remember the main goal: exercising attention by relaxing and focusing on something.

Try these things out first, see what happens, then explore further

Do girls learn differently?

Photo Credit: hoyasmeg via Compfight cc

"To hear some ed tech enthusiasts tell it, online learning is sweeping aside the barriers that have in the past prevented access to education. But such pronouncements are premature. As it turns out, students often carry these barriers right along with them, from the real world into the virtual one. Female students, for example, are poorly represented in science, technology, engineering, and math courses offered online, just as they are scarce in STEM classes conducted in physical classrooms. Demographic analyses of the students enrolled in much-hyped “massive open online courses” show the depth of the gender gap. “Circuits and Electronics,” the first MOOC developed by the online consortium of universities known as edX, had a student body that was 12 percent female, according to a study published in 2013. Another analysis, posted on the Coursera blog earlier this year, found that female enrollment in the company’s courses was lowest—around 20 percent—in subjects like computer science, engineering, and mathematics. These dismally low numbers provide a reminder that “access” to education is more complicated than simply throwing open the digital doors to whoever wants to sign up. So how can we turn the mere availability of online instruction in STEM into true access for female students? One potential solution to this information-age problem comes from an old-fashioned source: single-sex education. The Online School for Girls, founded in 2009, provides an all-female e-learning experience. (A companion institution, the Online School for Boys, is opening this fall.) It appears to be doing an especially good job of educating girls in STEM: Last year, 21 of its approximately 1,000 students were recognized by the National Center for Women in Technology “for their aspirations and achievements in computing and technology.” And over the course of the 2013-2014 academic year, the Online School for Girls prepared 30 female students to take the Advanced Placement exam in computer science. To put that number in perspective: 25 American states each prepared fewer than 30 girls to take the AP computer science exam. It’s hard to argue with these results. But it is possible to quibble with the way the school frames its mission. “Guided by current research on girls’ learning,” the school’s website declares, the school emphasizes “connection among participants” and incorporates “collaboration into the learning experience.” But evidence is weak that there is such a thing as “girls’ learning,” online or offline, if what is meant by that is that each gender has cognitive differences that should be accommodated by different instructional methods. Neuroscientist Lise Eliot has argued persuasively that, while small inherent differences in aptitude between males and females do exist (even as infants, for example, boys seem to have an edge in spatial cognition), society takes these small differences and makes them much bigger—by supporting boys in math and science, and by discouraging girls who study these subjects. Such overt biases should have no place in online education—but we should also strive to avoid importing subtler misconceptions about “girls’ learning” being different from “boys’ learning.” We need, instead, to address the psychological sense of belonging that female students so often lack when they enter STEM environments. Studies carried out in physical classrooms demonstrate that these environments are enormously influential. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, University of Washington assistant professor Sapna Cheryan and her coauthors exposed a group of female college students to a computer science classroom appointed in stereotypically male-geek fashion: video games and junk food strewn about, Star Trek poster on the wall. Another group of female undergraduates was invited into a computer science classroom that looked quite different: bowls of healthy snacks, a nature poster, an open phone book. Altering these environmental cues, Cheryan notes, “was sufficient to boost female undergraduates’ interest in computer science to the level of their male peers.” These same dynamics play out online, as Cheryan demonstrated in a subsequent study. Changing the design of a virtual classroom—from one that conveyed computer science stereotypes to one that did not —“significantly increased women’s interest and anticipated success in computer science,” Cheryan and her colleagues reported. All these approaches have in common a focus, not on teaching girls and women differently, but on helping them to feel differently about their place in the fields of math and science. Just as in the physical world, in the virtual sphere the barriers to girls’ and women’s advancement in STEM fields remain very much in place. With informed intervention and clever design, however, the digital walls may prove easier to scale." In an experiment now underway at Stanford University, researchers Brian Perone and Michelle Friend are using a virtual reality classroom, complete with virtual “classmates,” to investigate the effect of student gender ratio on young women’s ability to absorb and remember computer science course material, as well as their interest in taking more classes in the subject. Preliminary results suggest that female students learn better when they are surrounded by female classmates —even virtual ones—and the more women in the room, the better. Perone’s and Friend’s findings suggest that the reason behind the success of the Online School for Girls may not be its stated emphasis on teaching girls differently, but simply the fact that its students know that their classmates are girls like them. Another way to promote female students’ sense of belonging in online math and science courses would be putting more women at the head of virtual classrooms. (As professors Lisa L. Martin and Barbara F. Walter noted in a recent op-ed in the Los Angeles Times, MOOCs are overwhelmingly taught by men.) Female students could also be offered online mentoring by accomplished women working in STEM fields, a tack taken by Women in Technology Sharing Online (WitsOn). The brainchild of Maria Klawe, a computer scientist and the president of Harvey Mudd College, WitsOn was a one-time, six-week-long program that Klawe hopes to organize again in the future. Annie Murphy Paul <anniempaul=gmail.com@mail84.us4.mcsv.net>

Why has ISHCMC introduced Mindfulness?

Dear Parents,

I have been told that many parents do not understand what Mindfulness is and why we have introduced it at ISHCMC. I hope that this post helps to explain.

Firstly, our new mission focuses on three key words; Energize, Engage and Empower. Once there is a clear understanding of Mindfulness then it becomes obvious how it helps to build these three aspects of our mission. Mindfulness encourages students to clear their minds and focus on the present which helps them to be more engaged with their learning. A clear and positive mind gives the student more energy for all the activities in school. Finally, Mindfulness practices will give ISHCMC students skills that will empower them to take control of their lives both at school and later at university and in the work place.

This video is a simple yet clear explanation about Mindfulness.

Even if we hadn't created the mission and vision for ISHCMC the benefits of Mindfulness are undisputed. As with so many things in life, the earlier one teaches and ingrains good habits the more useful they will be. We believe that to develop the habits and skills of meditation and yoga at an early age will have substantial benefits for our students in their lives. ISHCMC is not alone in this belief and today many leading businesses and academic institutions are encouraging their employees and stakeholders to be more Mindful because of the undoubted benefits. Research says that the time given over to the practice of Mindfulness is more than compensated for by improved focus and attention by the participants in their daily routines.

The article below outlines a few of these benefits.

Benefits of Mindfulness  http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/mindfulness.htm Practices for Improving Emotional and Physical Well-Being

Understanding mindfulness

Key Points

• Practicing mindfulness improves both mental and physical health.
• Mindfulness involves both concentration (a form of meditation) and acceptance. Deliberately pay attention to thoughts and sensations without judgment.
• It takes practice to become comfortable with mindfulness techniques. If one method doesn’t work for you, try another.

It’s a busy world. You fold the laundry while keeping one eye on the kids and another on the television. You plan your day while listening to the radio and commuting to work, and then plan your weekend. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, you may find yourself losing your connection with the present moment—missing out on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Did you notice whether you felt well-rested this morning or that forsythia is in bloom along your route to work?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment. Mindfulness is now being examined scientifically and has been found to be a key element in happiness.

Ancient roots, modern applications

The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism, but most religions include some type of prayer or meditation technique that helps shift your thoughts away from your usual preoccupations toward an appreciation of the moment and a larger perspective on life.

Professor emeritus Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder and former director of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, helped to bring the practice of mindfulness meditation into mainstream medicine and demonstrated that practicing mindfulness can bring improvements in both physical and psychological symptoms as well as positive changes in health attitudes and behaviors.

Mindfulness improves well being

• Increasing your capacity for mindfulness supports many attitudes that contribute to a satisfied life.
• Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events.
• By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem, and are better able to form deep connections with others.

Mindfulness improves physical health

If greater well-being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered the benefits of mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways. Mindfulness can:

• help relieve stress
• treat heart disease
• lower blood pressure
• reduce chronic pain
• improve sleep
• alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties

Mindfulness improves mental health

In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems, including:

• depression
• substance abuse
• eating disorders
• couples’ conflicts
• anxiety disorders
• obsessive-compulsive disorder

Some experts believe that mindfulness works, in part, by helping people to accept their experiences—including painful emotions—rather than react to them with aversion and avoidance.

It’s become increasingly common for mindfulness meditation to be combined with psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy. This development makes good sense, since both meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy share the common goal of helping people gain perspective on irrational, maladaptive, and self-defeating thoughts.

Image reference: http://www.mindfulnet.org/userimages/Tree_of_half_life.jpg

Let Them Sleep: AAP Recommends Delaying Start Times of Middle and High Schools to Combat Teen Sleep Deprivation

Rock Portrait Photography via Compfight cc

Studies show that adolescents who don’t get enough sleep often suffer physical and mental health problems, an increased risk of automobile accidents and a decline in academic performance. But getting enough sleep each night can be hard for teens whose natural sleep cycles make it difficult for them to fall asleep before 11 p.m. – and who face a first-period class at 7:30 a.m. or earlier the next day. 

In a new policy statement published online Aug. 25, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends middle and high schools delay the start of class to 8:30 a.m. or later. Doing so will align school schedules to the biological sleep rhythms of adolescents, whose sleep-wake cycles begin to shift up to two hours later at the start of puberty.

“Chronic sleep loss in children and adolescents is one of the most common – and easily fixable – public health issues in the U.S. today,” said pediatrician Judith Owens, MD, FAAP, lead author of the policy statement, “School Start Times for Adolescents,” published in the September 2014 issue of Pediatrics. 

“The research is clear that adolescents who get enough sleep have a reduced risk of being overweight or suffering depression, are less likely to be involved in automobile accidents, and have better grades, higher standardized test scores and an overall better quality of life,” Dr. Owens said. “Studies have shown that delaying early school start times is one key factor that can help adolescents get the sleep they need to grow and learn.” 

Many studies have documented that the average adolescent in the U.S. is chronically sleep-deprived and pathologically sleepy. A National Sleep Foundation poll found 59 percent of 6th through 8th graders and 87 percent of high school students in the U.S. were getting less than the recommended 8.5 to 9.5 hours of sleep on school nights. 

The policy statement is accompanied by a technical report, “Insufficient Sleep in Adolescents and Young Adults: An Update on Causes and Consequences,” also published online Aug. 25. The technical report updates a prior report on excessive sleepiness among adolescents that was published in 2005. 

The reasons for teens’ lack of sleep are complex, and include homework, extracurricular activities, after-school jobs and use of technology that can keep them up late on week nights. The AAP recommends pediatricians counsel teens and parents about healthy sleep habits, including enforcing a media curfew. The AAP also advises health care professionals to educate parents, educators, athletic coaches and other stakeholders about the biological and environmental factors that contribute to insufficient sleep.

But the evidence strongly suggests that a too-early start to the school day is a critical contributor to chronic sleep deprivation among American adolescents. An estimated 40 percent of high schools in the U.S. currently have a start time before 8 a.m.; only 15 percent start at 8:30 a.m. or later. The median middle school start time is 8 a.m., and more than 20 percent of middle schools start at 7:45 a.m. or earlier. 

Napping, extending sleep on weekends, and caffeine consumption can temporarily counteract sleepiness, but they do not restore optimal alertness and are not a substitute for regular, sufficient sleep, according to the AAP.

The AAP urges middle and high schools to aim for start times that allow students to receive 8.5 to 9.5 hours of sleep a night. In most cases, this will mean a school start time of 8:30 a.m. or later, though schools should also consider average commuting times and other local factors. 

“The AAP is making a definitive and powerful statement about the importance of sleep to the health, safety, performance and well-being of our nation's youth,” Dr. Owens said. “By advocating for later school start times for middle and high school students, the AAP is both promoting the compelling scientific evidence that supports school start time delay as an important public health measure, and providing support and encouragement to those school districts around the country contemplating that change.”

- 
See more at: http://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/Let-Them-Sleep-AAP-Recommends-Delaying-Start-Times-of-Middle-and-High-Schools-to-Combat-Teen-Sleep-Deprivation.aspx#sthash.r4Yons3R.dpuf 

Some Tips on How to Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

This article is intended to give you some ideas about how to protect your children from sexual abuse. 

catnapping via Compfight cc

As survivors, we are perhaps even more acutely aware of the need to protect our children from sexual abuse (CSA). However, our personal knowledge of the horrors of child sexual abuse does not necessarily mean that we are any better equipped to teach our children about child safety or to identify the warning signs of sexual abuse in children. In fact, many of us are so worried about “history repeating itself” that our anxiety gets in the way, and we either avoid the subject altogether and keep our fingers crossed – or we become very overprotective and try to wrap our children in so much cotton wool that they are not given the skills to protect themselves. 

Why do you need to know about this? This couldn't happen to your child, right??

“It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.”

Unfortunately, ANY child is at risk of sexual abuse. Hoping... denying.... pretending.... that this can't happen to your child is not lowering your child's risk of being sexually abused, and it does not prepare them to get help quickly and effectively if the worst does happen.

The reality of CSA is a terrifying concept - but its something that every parent needs to face because knowledge is power. 

The Facts:

The stark reality of the statistics is that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18 and it can affect any child regardless of age, gender, family income, culture, race, religion, physical appearance, sexuality, intellect, disability etc.

Most sexual abuse (85%) is perpetrated someone within the child's social sphere - for example, a relative, a family friend, a teacher, youth worker, religious leader, neighbour. Despite the stereotypical image of the abuser propagated by the media, abusers usually do not look like monsters and it is relatively rare for them to be strangers.

The majority of children never report the abuse, and often this is because they are afraid of their parents’ reactions, because they fear getting in trouble, or because they don't know how to tell. The child who keeps the abuse secret is more likely to experience severe physical and emotional consequences, both in childhood and later in life.

Children from a young as three years old can be taught skills that lower their vulnerability of sexual abuse and which also increase their ability to tell if something does happen. You, as the parent, play the most vital role in educating your child about their safety and about what's right and wrong. Similarly, you have a big role to play in identifying risk factors and signs in order to aid prevention and detection of abuse.


What is child sexual abuse (CSA)? 

"Sexual abuse is when a child or young person is pressurised, forced or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or young person" (NSPCC)

• CSA can involve many activities including:
• Fondling / touching / kissing of genitals or other area's of the body.
• Penetration with penis, digit, or object.
• Exposing genitals or sexual material to a child.
• Talking to a child inappropriately, graphically, and explicitly about sex.
• Asking a child to touch their own genitals or another persons.
• Non-forced sex with an underage child.

Myths about CSA

“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive and unrealistic” (JFK) 

There are so many myths around child sexual abuse that it’s difficult to know where to start. On the whole, many of us believe these myths....because it’s comforting! If we believe that we can identify a paedophile from across the street then we can keep our children away from them. If we believe that CSA only happens within "problem families" then we can be secure in that knowledge that our children are safe because we're "a normal family".

It’s important to identify the myths so that you can reject them as unhelpful and look to the more useful and viable information that really can make a difference. ALL of these statements are incorrect and should be rejected:

• Myth: Only pretty little girls are sexually abused.
• Myth: All molesters look like dirty old men. You can just tell.
• Myth: Mostly child abusers are strangers.
• Myth: Only men really rape children.
• Myth: My child would tell me if anything like this happened to them.
• Myth: This could never happen to my child.
• Myth: Sexual abusers are monsters and just look evil.
• Myth: Teaching about CSA scares children, so its best to keep quiet.
• Myth: If my child had been abused, I would just know.
• Myth: Only homosexual men hurt little boys.
• Myth: It can't happen in my family.
• Myth: Sexual abuse is a family matter and should be dealt with as such.

WHAT CAN YOU DO??

Teach your children the proper names for parts of the body:

Even as adults, many of us get embarrassed about naming areas of our body - and more often that not, we may refer to our genitals as out "private parts" or "down there" or "the lady area"! I'm sure we all have our own pet names for these areas - I, for example, was taught to call my vagina my "Merry Christmas", and my brother was taught to call his penis his "didler"!

But what's wrong with teaching children the proper names for their body parts? By teaching a child the proper names for their body parts, they will be in a position to name what's happening to them should someone touch them in an abusive way. By using the proper terms, everybody will be in a position to know exactly what they are referring to, and minimizing the chance of misinterpretation. For example, its far less confusing if a child is able to say "He touched my vagina with his penis" than it is if she said, "He touched my Merry Christmas with his didler"!.

By not referring to the sexual organs at all, or by referring to them as their "private parts", this can have implications for what a child thinks is okay and not okay to talk about. Teaching them in an open way from a very young age about correct biological labels will help children to feel that its not taboo or embarrassing to talk about their sexual organs if there is a need to - and obviously in an abusive situation, this can be the difference between telling and not telling about abuse.

Resources for learning about the body: 
Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz 
My Body Is Private by Linda Girard
"What's Happening to My Body" Book for Girls, by Lynda Madaras
"What's Happening to My Body" Book for Boys, by Lynda Madaras 

Safe Touch / Unsafe Touch 

The number one fundamental rule is to teach children that there body belongs to them! They had a right to decide what they do with their body, and who touches their body, and how someone touches their body. They need to be afforded the same rights as we are.

Teach your child to respect their body's by teaching them to respect other people's body's. Children need to be told not to do something to anyone else that that person doesn't want. For example, if they are jumping up and down on you, you can say "I don't want you to jump up and down on me. Please stop." Similarly if they are tickling a sibling, that sibling should be able to say "Stop it" - and ensure your child respects this. Modeling and absolute rules make this easier for children to understand.

Respect their wishes - and let them know that no one, not even you, has the right to touch them without their say so. Ask your child before touching them i.e. "Would you like me to help you with you shoes?". Don't just assume its okay. Ask them for a goodnight kiss - don't demand one! Don't make them kiss any relative they don't want to - and teach them to say politely "I don't feel like kissing right now".

• Talk to them about "What is GOOD touch?".

Good touch is touch that feels safe - or touch that makes us feel warm and make us smile. Its touch that makes us feel cared for. Try to explain to children that some good touch actually hurts i.e. cleaning a cut - but that its good because its making them better.

• Talk to them about "What is BAD touch?"

Bad touch is touch which hurts their body of feelings. For example, if someone kicks you or pushes you.

• Talk to them about "What is UNWANTED touch?"

Unwanted touch may be touch which would usually be good touch, but something which you do not want right now. For example, being swung in the air may usually be fun, but after a big meal, they might not want it.

• Talk to them about "What is SEXUAL ABUSE touch?"

Calling it sexual abuse touch makes it clear that this is a totally different type of touch - and it does not confuse the issue by using incorrect terminology. Sexual abuse touch is touch that makes the child feel scared, anxious or uncertain on any part of their body that would normally be covered if they wore a swimming costume - or touching someone else on any part of the body that would normally be covered if they wore a swimming costume. Explain to them that this touch may feel "nice" or exciting, but that it may also feel strange. If they are asked not to tell anyone about this touch then that is sexual abuse touch. Make it clear that sexual abuse touch can also happen if they are touched with their clothes on - i.e. if someone rubs them over their pants.

When you touch your child, ask them to tell you what type of touch it is. Ask questions like "Right now, would it be okay if an adult touched you on the hand?" and "Right now, would it be okay if an adult touched you on your tummy?". Try to encourage them to explain their answers.
Safe Touch Resources: 

God Made Me: The Safe Touch Coloring Book by Beth Robinson
The Right Touch: A Read-Aloud Story to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse by Sandy Kleven

Saying "NO!"

From an early age, children are taught allegiance to adults and to "Do as you're told!", and certainly very young children can find it difficult to differentiate between rules they have to follow, and rules they don't have to follow.

Teach your child that they have the right to say NO! As the majority of child abuse is based on coersion rather than force, teaching your child to say NO! strongly and forcefully really can make a big difference in many situations. Children will need practice how to say "NO!" in this way, and so its a good idea to practice this with them. You can make a game of it.....it doesn't have to be frightening for them.....but it could help to give them the confidence to say "NO!" if someone tries to abuse them.

Obviously there are times that children are not permitted to say "no" and this is where the difficulty and confusion can occur. Make it clear to children that they have the right to say "no" to anyone who wants to touch their vagina, penis, breasts, buttocks - or anywhere that is normally covered if you put a swimming costume on. Make it clear that they have the right to say "NO!" loudly even if this is an adult and that they will not get into trouble. Tell children to trust their feelings and if something doesn't feel okay - then say "NO!".

There may be times when someone may need to touch their body - i.e. a doctor during an examination - but make it clear that this is only okay if you are with them and if you say it is okay directly to them. You can explain that this is safe touch because it is to do with health.

You could play the "OK NO! game" with them where you come up with some scenario's and ask them if it is okay to say "NO!" in these situations. Ask them to explain their answers. For example:

Is it okay to say NO if your mum asks you tidy your room?
Is it okay to say NO if your dad asks you to brush your teeth?
Is it okay to say NO if your uncle asks you to sit on his lap and you don’t want to?
Is it okay to say NO if your teacher touches your penis?
Is it okay to say NO if an adult pats you on the head?
Is it okay to say NO if an adult tickles your vagina, even if it feels nice?
Is it okay to say NO if an adult asks you to do something you feel is wrong?
Is it okay to say NO if an adult asks you to keep a secret from your parents?
Is it okay to say NO if an adult tells you to put your seatbelt on?
Is it okay to say NO if your sister asks you to touch her vagina?
Is it okay to say NO if your teacher asks you to pull down your pants to smack you if you've been bad.

Making this into a game and checking it out with them regularly can help - and they can practice saying "NO!" at the same time. For older children, you may want to change this into the "WHAT IF...?" game - whereby you can make the scenario's more complex which reflect the situations they may be confronted with.

Teach your children about "bad" secrets

“No one keeps a secret so well as a child” (Victor Hugo)

The majority of abusers teach their victims to keep what's happening to them a secret. From young children, we teach our children not to tell tales.....to maintain trusts that are afforded to us....to not air our dirty laundry in public. It's no wonder that children find it confusing!

Teach your child that any secret which makes them feel uneasy is a bad secret and its okay to break it. Any secret that makes them feel bad or sad or frightened is a bad secret and its okay to break it. Tell your child that any secret that they can't tell you is a bad secret and its okay to break it. Be consistent! Children do not have to keep any promise that makes them feel bad inside.

Teach your child the difference between a secret and a surprise: A surprise is something you will be allowed to tell at a later stage; a secret is something you're asked to never tell.


Bad Secrets Resources: 
'The trouble with secrets' Karen Johnsen 
Secrets that Hurt: Sexual Abuse Activity Book, by Jim Boulden and Joan Boulden. 
No More Secrets for Me, by Oralee Wachter and Jane Aaron. (2002). Little Brown & Company. 


Watch out for warning signs in adults 

Children display signs that all is not well, but there are signs which are displayed from the abusers themselves. Try to remember that abusers typically do not look how you would expect an abuser to look. Contrary to popular media stereotypes, they do not look like monsters, or the type of face that stares out of you from a mugshot. Abusers are good at gaining trust....that's how they operate.....and therefore they can seem to be the nicest people...the most helpful...the most thoughtful....the most loving. Of course, don't go around suspecting someone may be an abuser because they are nice and good! But the point is not to rule them out if you have suspicions because they display characteristics that you don't feel are the typical monster-like features of a paedophile. 

• Watch for adults who:

Refuse children privacy or invade their privacy.
Insist on physical affection even when the child looks uncomfortable.
Insist on “special time” alone from other adults and children.
Spend a lot of time with children instead of adults.
Buy children expensive gifts for no apparent reason.
Appear to put a lot of effort into getting close to children.
Have had previous allegations against them before.
Make you feel uneasy.....even if you can't put your finger on why.
Your child or other children seem afraid of.
Your child or other children do not want to be alone with.

• Question people who are trusted to look after your children and monitor.

Ask any organizations about criminal background checks and professional recommendations / references.
Ask about training of staff / policies if suspected abuse.
If a child seems uncomfortable, or resistant to being with a particular adult, ask them why. Be persistent.
If an adult is taking a child on an outing, make sure to get specifics of it. Ensure they know that you are the type of parent that asks questions!
Always make a point of asking your child about their day. Use open questions, and be persistent if they seem reluctant to give answers.
Think about whether activities would be preferable in a group. Ask why something it one-to-one.

“Molesters Do Not Wear an Ugly Mask. They Wear A Shield of Trust.” 
- Patty Rase Hopson

Stranger - Danger

Although the vast majority of risks to your child do not come from strangers, it is vital that you teach your children about stranger danger. Some remarkably simple techniques can help your child to keep themselves safe!

Help your child to identify a stranger. When you are out and about - ask your child "Are they a stranger?". Make it clear that just because you may know the persons face, they could still be a stranger (i.e. lady who works in the shop!).
Tell your child never to talk to strangers unless they are with an adult they trust and never to go anywhere with a stranger. Identify trusted adults.
If a stranger approaches them and asks them to go somewhere with them - teach your child to MAKE A FUSS. Tell them to make a noise, runaway to somewhere where there are a lot of people, scream etc.
Tell someone as soon as possible!

YELL, RUN, TELL!!

Teach your child their own address and phone number. Make sure they have another number of another trusted adult written down somewhere that they can keep with them.
If you go somewhere where you may become separated from your child, have a "meet place" i.e. by the fountain.
By them a travelcard (if old enough) and a phonecard for emergencies.
Make sure they know how to dial the emergency services and what to say.
Have a "safe" word if you are unable to pick your child up. Make sure your child knows not to go with the adult if the safe word isn't know.
Teach your child the buddy system - i.e. walk in pairs or groups.

Resources for Stranger Danger: 

Stranger Danger coloring page to download
Safest with a buddy coloring page download.

Stranger Danger by P. Pancella.
Stranger Danger: The Reluctantly Written but Absolutely Necessary Book for Todays Boys And Girls!By Patricia Stirnkorb
Stranger Danger: How to Keep Your Child SafeBy Carol Soret Cope
Safe at Home with Pooh (Disney's My Very First Winnie the Pooh)By Kathleen Weidner Zoehfeld


Internet Activity

Its a very scary statistic, but 1 in 5 children have been sexually solicited on the internet, and 1 in 2 have been exposed to sexually explicit material on the internet. Children of today are generally very computer literate, often more so that we are, and although the internet can be a valuable resource, it can also be a dangerous hunting ground for paedophiles to make contact with children and teens.

Use a filter to block inappropriate material. Cookies can be disabled. For info on how to block certain content, please contact your ISP or see here.
Keep the computer in a shared family area and be around to monitor use.
Bookmark approved sites for young children and tell them to stick to these areas.
Spend time teaching your child how to use the internet.
Make a contract with your child about their internet use. For a standard contract see here.
Limit the amount of time that your child is permitted to spend online.
Block your child from being able to enter private unmoderated chat rooms. NEVER agree to meet anyone from a chat room.
Monitor your credit card and phone bills for unfamiliar account charges.
Report any obscene or threatening messages to your ISP.
Tell children NEVER to give out any personal information online, name, address, age, phone number, email, IM address, school, location, or photographs.
If your child has a new online "friend," insist on being "introduced" online to that friend.
If your child becomes secretive about online use, question why.


Resources:
Kidsmart
Wired Kids
Wired Safety
The Police Notebook.
How to block content


IF THE WORST SHOULD HAPPEN?

Let me get one thing clear. No matter what a wonderful parent you are, and no matter how well you have prepared your child for the risk of abuse - and equipped them in terms of child safety - sometimes child sexual abuse will happen anyway. You cannot be with your children ALL OF THE TIME. Its impossible. All you can do is lessen the risks - and, if the worst shouldhappen, be in a position where you are able to identify the abuse as quickly as possible. Its a widely accepted belief among mental health experts that, on average, the longer the abuse continues, the worse the potential consequences for the physical and mental well-being of the victim. Similarly, the way that you react and deal with your childs' abuse, can have an enormous impact upon their recovery.


Recognizing the signs of CSA
Please remember that children will only show some of these signs. Also these signs do not have to mean that your child has been abused. These are indications of possible abuse, but they are not fact. Its important to be aware, without jumping to invalid and unsubstantiated conclusions. A child who is being sexually abused may show the following:

• Behaviour changes:

- Being excessively clinging or uncharacteristically crying when you try to leave them.
- Having difficulty sleeping; not wanting to go so bed; having nightmares or night-terrors; fear of the dark.
- Returning to previously immature behaviors i.e. sucking thumb, bed-wetting, needing teddy, soiling etc.
- Problems at school i.e. discipline issues, poor attention, change in working performance etc.
- Fear of a specific person or place. Isolating themselves.
- Being "too perfect" and too well behaved; quiet; desperate to please; over-achieving.
- Radical mood swings.
- Being evasive when asked questions, or having memory loss.

• Health Issues:

- A change in eating habits i.e. eating too much / too little; purging; becoming a fussy eater.
- Incontinence.
- Self-destructive behavior i.e. head-banging, self harm, alcohol use, drugs, genital mutilation.
- Genital discomfort, bleeding, irritation, redness, thrush, itching, discharge, odour.
- Persistent urinary tract infections.
- General ill-health complaints i.e. chronic headache, stomach cramps, sore throat etc.
- Depression / anxiety / suicidal ideation.

• Inappropriate sexual development / behavior:

- Excessive genital touching or masturbating in public.
- Non-age appropriate language i.e sexually graphic.
- Being sexually precocious and sexually suggestive.
- Hides secondary sexual characteristics i.e. covers up, wears baggy clothes, straps breasts.
- Attempts to be unattractive i.e. stops wearing make-up, stops washing, puts on weight.
- Fear of undressing or refusal to undress in gym class
- Initiate inappropriate sexual contact with other children.

What should I do if I suspect?

As hard as it may be, try to stay calm. Children look to their parents to know what to do, and if they see you freaking out, this is likely to increase their fear and uncertainty also.

IF you suspect - no matter how vague your suspicion - GET HELP! Don't try to deal with this all by yourself because dealing with this in secrecy only exacerbates feelings of shame in your child. Of course, treat it with the sensitivity it deserves, but involve the experts right from the start.

• REPORT IT:

The first step, even before you talk to your child, is to report your suspicions to your local child protection team - and let them investigate it. Of course your instinct may be to try to talk to your child yourself and get an admission from them - but in doing this you run the risk of eliciting a unsubstantiated disclosure which could make prosecution impossible. Furthermore, many children may be especially fearful of making the initial disclosure to a parent for fear of upsetting you, or making you angry, or disappointing you, and so they may be more likely to disclose to a professional. Your job at this time is to be the loving parent....letting them know that you still love them, that they are special, that you're not angry etc.

• Listen to your child and to what they say they need:

At this time, trust your child to know how they want you to help. The tendency of most parents is to want to make it all better...to "fix" what's been done to them - and unfortunately, this is not something that can be fixed. Children can learn to come to terms with the hurt they've experienced, but they have to do so at their own pace. Let them talk to you as much or as little as they want to. Don't try to steam-roller them into disclosing all of the gory details to you unless they want to - and be sensitive to the fact that some children may prefer to talk to another trusted relative or a mental health professional. This is not a rejection of you. Make it clear that you are there to listen whenever or however they need.

• Reassure your child:

Your child may have a lot of fears about what would happen if anyone found out about the abuse. Their abuser may have told them that no one would believe them, or that they would get in trouble, or that mummy wouldn't love them anymore. Make it cleat from the beginning that you believe them. Make it clear that no matter what happened, this was not their fault. Reassure them that they have done the right thing in telling, and that you are very proud of them for being so brave. Let them know that you love them and always will.

• Do not confront the perpetrator:

No matter how much you may want to, do not confront the perpetrator. Leave this for the professionals. Your energy, at this time, has to go into making your child feel safe and loved - and expending energy on the perp is going to limit your ability to do that. The child may have very mixed feelings about their abuser, especially if the abuser is a family member, and so seeing you get mad at them may make the child feel guilty and retract what's happened. Confronting the abuser could also be dangerous for you because desperate people will do desperate things. And lastly, you could inadvertently warn them about any evidence against them.

• GET HELP FOR YOURSELF:

The abuse of a child is one of the worst things that a parent can ever have to deal with. Its important that you get help for yourself because without it you are unlikely to be able to support your child in the way they need. There are support organizations for parents of abused children, and also your social services should be able to put you in contact with people who can help.

FOR MORE INFORMATION:

Websites:

Avoiding Sexual Dangers: A Parent's Guide to Protecting your Child
Darkness to light
Child Help USA
Mothers of sexually abused children
Prevent Child Abuse
Love and Logic (Parenting website)
Kidscape
National Children's Alliance
NSPCC

http://www.pandys.org/articles/protectyourchild.html

We Tell Kids, “Go To Sleep!” We Need To Tell Them Why.

We tell children why it’s important to eat their vegetables. We tell them why they need to get outside and run around. But how often do we parents tell children why it’s important to sleep? “Time for bed!” is usually the end of it, or maybe “You’ll be tired tomorrow.” No wonder children regard sleep as vaguely punitive, an enforced period of dull isolation in a darkened room. But of course sleep is so much more, and maybe we ought to try telling children that.

Sleep, scientists have discovered, not only restores and renews the body, but it also performs maintenance on the mind. It refines the memories formed during the previous day and makes preparations for the learning that will begin the next morning. Irrelevant memories are discarded and important memories are preserved, moved to the brain’s long-term storage to make room for new memories. (One sleep specialist, Matthew Walker of the University of California, Berkeley, has compared the function of sleep with emptying an email inbox so that it can receive new messages.) Researchers have also found that newly learned information and skills are reinforced by a good night’s sleep — meaning that children are becoming better at their soccer footwork, their piano playing, or their times tables just by lying asleep in bed.

There is evidence that educating children about the importance of sleep leads them to sleep more. Two studies conducted with seventh graders, for example, found that after participating in a “sleep smart” program, they went to bed earlier and slept longer on weeknights. The latest proof of the value of sleep education comes from a newly released study of preschoolers. Led by Ronald Chervin, the director of the University of Michigan Sleep Disorders Center, the study examined the effects of a program called Sweet Dreamzzz on 152 4-year-olds enrolled in Head Start programs in Lansing and Detroit.

The strength of the Sweet Dreamzzz initiative is that it creates a triangle of support for sleep, involving children, their teachers and their parents. Mothers and fathers enrolled in the program were offered a 45-minute education session, addressing topics such as the importance of sleep, how to establish a bedtime routine and how much sleep preschoolers need each night: 11 to 13 hours. (Lack of knowledge about children’s sleep is common among parents, Dr. Chervin and his co-authors note; as many as 75 percent incorrectly estimate how much sleep children require.) Teachers, too, were provided with an instructional session.

The preschoolers received two weeks of daily education sessions, as well as supporting activities at home. The children were each given a teddy bear, which they practiced “putting to bed”; they read the bedtime classic “Goodnight Moon” in class, and were given a copy of the book to take home; and they went over the notion that 8 p.m. was the right time to go to bed. All this information-sharing produced concrete results: A month after the conclusion of the Sweet Dreamzzz program, the children in the study were getting 30 minutes of additional sleep each night, according to sleep diaries kept by their parents. Other research has shown that an additional half-hour of sleep can make a big difference, reducing daytime sleepiness, emotional ups and downs and restless and impulsive behavior.

The increase in the duration of the Michigan children’s sleep occurred even though (to researchers’ surprise) the parents involved in the study didn’t demonstrate a greater knowledge of sleep facts a month later. Perhaps one 45-minute session wasn’t enough to make the information stick, Dr. Chervin and his co-authors speculated.

Or perhaps it was simply most effective to talk directly and often to the children themselves. Although the researchers didn’t formally assess change in the children’s knowledge about sleep, teachers reported that the preschoolers did learn from the sessions: After the intervention, the children correctly volunteered that 8 p.m. was the right time to go to sleep, not 9 p.m.; that an apple was a better presleep snack than a candy bar; and that reading before bedtime was a better idea than watching TV. Most striking, the teachers told Dr. Chervin, parents came into school with reports of a new development: When the children saw the clock strike 8 p.m., they would now announce: “It’s time for bed!”

http://anniemurphypaul.com/2014/07/educating-kids-about-sleep/?utm_source=Brilliant%3A+The+New+Science+of+Smart+Newsletter&utm_campaign=51e63b3366-Brilliant_Report_16_1_2012&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_9c734401c1-51e63b3366-311798661#